Things I've thought while writing and revising my current story; or, you can't tell a story "I Don't Know" because green slime will dump on your head

• Is she too goth? She's too goth, isn't she.
  
• Yeah! This is totally a "long paragraph" story!
  
• This narrator is obviously not me. Look. He hates new wave. He totally disses New Order.
  
• They get naked.
  
• No you dolt. They don't get naked. Getting naked is cliche.
  
• Oh hell, she left her boots on in bed.
  
• She left her boots on in bed! Obviously! That's so not cliche!
  
• When did all the paragraphs get so short?
  
• Oh right. It's all dialogue now.
  
• She's not goth enough.
  
• Eyeshadow. Is that eyeshadow? When it goes like all over and not just on the eyelid? Fuck, why do I have to be such a boy all the time?
  
• Why are you writing about Independence, Ohio? You know nothing about there. Er..oh, right, you don't need to. It's just the building that's interesting.
  
• Oh no. The narrator. Did he just confess his belief in God? I can't deal with that.
  
• Okay! Alright. He's going to drive to the lake and throw the tape into it. NO YOU IDIOT! Not the big melodramatic throwing away the past ending! Oh my Lord.
  
• She's way too goth. He'd never give her the time of day.
  
• Did he just use the word "ostensibly"? What the hell? He's a bank teller!
  
• Yeah, you better make her 23, you are so not trying to write Lolita.
  
• You're so writing Lolita, you know that, right?
  
• Do goth girls have freckles?
  
• When the hell did she become a goth? Why is she a goth? Isn't it bad enough she's only 19? Or well that she claims she's 19? Yeah, better make her 23.
  
• This is all swell set-up material but you're no Lebron James and you'll never slam-dunk this home in the end, you know, you know.
  
• They've been going out for six months and they haven't had sex yet? What the hell? Is this guy, like, a eunuch or something?
  
• When the hell did I start writing a love story? I thought this was about death and pain. Er, oh. Right.
  
• You forgot the black lipstick again, you moron.
  
• Ohhhhh yeah, this is just workin' like gangbusters, now. Dolt.
  
• Dammit, this isn't a love story, this is one of those "he's here and she's strange and mysterious" stories, you dolt. Make her less interesting! Yeah! That's it! LESS interesting!
  
• Mmmm...no.
  
• So wait, if the washing machine is over there, and the fridge is over there, this basement is...er...about twice the size of the house above it. Dammit.
  
• Ok...take away the piercings...put a tattoo on her back...and...yes...Yes! Yes. Just goth enough.