You may now refer to me as "The Darb"

I don't know (or care) what this article is actually about; all that concerns me is the fact that it calls Zadie Smith "the Zade," and that it attributes to her the greatest fictional quote ever: "By way of assessing the competition, she concludes thus: 'In my opinion, Jonathan Franzen is a shithead.'" Comedy bonanza goldmine, people.